Monday, January 09, 2006

Every day it gets a little harder to believe in magic and people.

My father sounded so sad when I talked to him lastnight. My grandmother’s liver shut down and they’re not giving her much longer... I think he’s a little like me, not really sure what to feel. It’s hard to lose someone slowly because in the end you’re just glad it’s almost over. She’s not even the person we used to know. She hasn’t been for a long time. Once she stopped recognizing me I stopped visiting her. I know it’s selfish on my part, but I don’t want to remember her like that.

Lastnight when my husband crawled into bed I told him that my grandmother was dying. He asked me if I was sad about it. I told him I didn’t know.


melissa said...

It's ok to be relieved that she won't be living like she is now. It's perfectly ok.

Praying for you.

all my fat love,

Anonymous said...

It will be a bittersweet loss, but try to remember her for her wonderful quirks that we always enjoyed. Remember her May baskets, her get well baskets, her "different" style in gifts, her smiles (and there were many) and her awful cooking (God knows she did try), and how she tried to make everyone feel good about themselves. I could go on and on but I will let you do that. Be there for your Dad when he needs you. I love you,

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