Pass the tissues, now.

For the past three or four days I’m a faucet. Not that extreme really. But it’s not normal. I’ve been sobbing to certain songs on my way to work. I cry at the Hallmark commercials. Well, who doesn’t? And lastnight the while I watched Grey’s Anatomy, I cried, like a baby. Stupid comedy dramas. Usually my hormones don’t play this many tricks on me, but apparently this month they thought they’ld be funny. Jokers. I have to get out of this rut. Quick, someone get me a puppy I can kick.

i have nothing to say.

I bundled up and got into the elevator on the 10th floor. It stopped on the 5th. No one got in. it stopped on the 2nd floor. A woman got in, only to get out on the first floor. One more floor and I was in the lobby. On the way out I passed a blind man dressed nicer than most people who can see themselves in a mirror. After that, a woman walked by in a short skirt, showing off the big holes and runs in the back of her nylons. I could only assume she was headed in teh direction of the drug store to buy some new ones. Then, a man littered, for no reason. After that I walked along side a woman pushing her husband in a wheel chair, up until they stopped, so she could talk face to face with him and explain something they were discussing. But I had nothing to say.

self portrait thursday

me_fish81.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

in true cheri fashion, i'm posting this one day too late. too bad. it's also good to mention that i stole this idea from a blog about four sweet peas. except hers was titled 'self-portrait tuesdays'. it's good to mention this because: this weekend i'm sending the author a lovely mix CD as part of an online exchange and on it plan to write " thanks for the idea i stole that you don't know i stole".

anyway, enjoy the vintage photo people, circa 1981.

new template kids

And the only thing that's confusing is the commenting section. Now the number of comments are immediately to the right of the title of the post. For example, this one will be '0', until of course you all click on it and start posting like the mad rabid gerbils i know you are.

i blame cute kids

This weekend we spent time with my sister’s kids. It was surreal. I mean, they look like me, how strange is that? It felt like a glimpse into what our life with kids would be. And life with kids isn’t as BAD as I thought it would be. We took them grocery shopping, made sure they were buckled into the booster seat, bought them strawberry milk and held their hands crossing the parking lot. Granted, we were only with them for a day, but my husband is in love with them.

Now he wants kids. I mean, now. He said he was going to switch my birth control with sugar pills. I already hid them lastnight. I can’t blame the guy for wanted to settle down, move home and start a family (he is pushing 30), but I’ve still got time to have a 6-pack stomach and spend money on myself without feeling guilty.

Obviously moving to California would put a hold on things even if we were ready to start making babies. For now, we’ll just have to stick to practicing.

self-portrait thursdays

me_mom79.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

here i am. in all my candy-loving glory.

Biting the big ticket item bullet.

I love to shop. We all know that. If you don’t, then you don’t read this blog much. Like today: brand new, black. angora sweater. Thank you, anyway.

I am a bargain shopper. I will buy the crappiest color tank top in Old Navy IF it says $1.97 on the tag. I once bought a pair of jeans for $1. And not from the Salvation Army, brand new. However, I hate making large purchases. (The husband: total opposite, the more expensive, the more likely he is to buy it.) I get nervous. Sweaty. I Shake. Buying cars is the scariest thing in the world to me. Besides snakes and spiders. And Martha Stewart. But she might qualify as part of the previous category.

I do however love gadgets and technology and everything fabulously tiny. Buying my G5 was a huge step for me. I wanted to opt for the less expensive G4, but my husband put his foot down and said, you’re getting the G5. Strange, right? Well, now I want to upgrade my digital camera. I have a decent one, it takes great shots, but I wanted something more flexible and professional. So I’ve got my eye on a digital SLR camera, which will run me at least a grand. Eek. Right? $1,000 smackers is a LOT of money. I’m working now (freelance), and making good money, so I could in good conscience buy this camera…BUT. It’s those big purchases that make me sweat. (I want it really really bad though.) So do i do it, or do i concede that it's just too much to spend on a hobby?

1.14.2006

mama_2006.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

you were full of smiles and energy.
where we all lacked enthusiasm, you shined.
you accessorized like a queen.
you wrote letters to everyone.
you loved us with everything you had.
you finally escaped your broken body.
we will miss you.

slather me in lipgloss baby

well, winter came back. it's been mild lately, to say the least, but yesterday and today we're looking at temps in the single digits. my nostrils keep sticking together and though i try to stride down the avenue with a calm confidence, i look like an idiot because my nostrils are frozen together.

so here i sit indoors, eating my turkey balls. they came out better this time, i skimped on the overpowering bread crumbs. as if any of you care about my balls. the point is, the sun is out, and i am in. kiss my vitamin D lacking butt. i think i'll crack into that special dark bar now and substitute my woes with chocolate.

i discovered a new line of all natural beauty products at Kohls. the hairspray works dandy. the lotion, not so much. a bit greasy. i did however purchase a yummy all natural lip gloss this week from the Body Shop, along with a big bottle of massage oil, oo la la.

why lie? need beer.

honesty is a strange thing. even if the truth is horrible, you still have to respect that it IS the truth. why lie? what good does it do anyone? if i hand my dollar to the bum on the corner, i'm just going to wonder whether or not he's using it on whisky. now if i hand my dollar to the guy on the corner with the "why lie, need beer" sign, then he's clearing both of our consciences in one simple scribbled truth. now that is respectable.

Every day it gets a little harder to believe in magic and people.

My father sounded so sad when I talked to him lastnight. My grandmother’s liver shut down and they’re not giving her much longer... I think he’s a little like me, not really sure what to feel. It’s hard to lose someone slowly because in the end you’re just glad it’s almost over. She’s not even the person we used to know. She hasn’t been for a long time. Once she stopped recognizing me I stopped visiting her. I know it’s selfish on my part, but I don’t want to remember her like that.

Lastnight when my husband crawled into bed I told him that my grandmother was dying. He asked me if I was sad about it. I told him I didn’t know.

photo nut

me_mb_small.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

marybeth and i joined up for our annual (but not really annual more like just whenever) day of shopping and Starbucks. too bad all the five year olds stole the seats and left us to our caramel apple ciders in her toyota.

don't lose hope

us_small.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

sometimes you wonder if you'll ever find anyone in this crazy world. and then you wonder if you'll ever find anyone as crazy as you, in this crazy world. and then you realize, yes. yes you will.

me and kathleen

me_kat.jpg, originally uploaded by tinkerellen.

this is one of my favorite pics from this weekend. just a quick little "here, let's get a pic" shot, but i love it.